Recently, I’ve noticed a growing fear, embedding itself deep within my subconscious; and this is fear of the future. The fear of whats to come. The fear of the unknown.
I am 19 years old, and at a stage in my life where the question of my future career is becoming more and more pressing. I carry it with me everyday, this big pack of worries and fears, flashes of inspiration, sometimes even a glimpse of excitement, about what my life after I’ve graduated might look like.
There feels like an ordinate amount of factors on considerations you must take into account when thinking about a future career. The qualifications required, the stress levels that come with it, the possible need to train, relocate, the doubts of whether you can make it in X industry, what your family and friends will think of you decision to become X and finally, the salary you will receive.
In an ideal world, choosing a job would be simple; it would be a case if answering a few simple questions; what do I want to give to the world? What are my fundamental passions in life? What, ultimately, makes me happy, and how can I build that into my life?
But it seems so much more complicated then that, doesn’t it? Should I be earning X amount by the time I’m 30? How will this job help me get on the property ladder? Where will it take me twenty years down the line? Will I be fulfilling whats expected of me by my parents?
The anxieties are endless, and the most pressing, and stress inducing seem to surround two fundamental things; money, and what people think of me.
Money. It makes the world go round. But I can honestly say the goal of a ridiculous figure salary doesn’t nourish my soul. I don’t want an enormous house, or luxury clothes, I don’t feel the need for an expensive car, or to live in expensive city centres. I want contentment and security. Two things which I can control completely independently of the amount I earn, by following my passions, nurturing my relationships, and following a ‘life with less mentality’.
The second anxiety has always been my downfall; from the age of about eight years old, the judgements and expectations I perceive others to have of me has always plagued my mind. There seems to be so much emphasis put on the idea of ‘success’, on cultivating a life built on ambition. And this terrifies me, because I do not want to be ‘successful’ if my success is measure by the external parameters that others hold. Deep down, I ache for a future filled with love, and meaning, a future in which I am wealthy in time, and relationships. I can make up my own definition of success, and live accordingly.
Whatever the future brings, I feel certain that my true purpose on this planet is to bring love and light to as many people as possible, regardless of where I go, or what I end up doing.
The future is unknown, unwritten; it is a path waiting to be walked, a book waiting to be written.